What Your Failed Relationships Might Have Taught You

We get it, breakups suck! And there's a good chance you hate your ex (or maybe not) but before you do away with the entire experience, there might be some lessons to be gained from your most recent failed relationship. In this article, we’ll be sharing a few lessons your last relationship might have taught you. Who knows, you might end up being thankful for the experience afterwards :)

Failed relationships can be incredibly valuable learning experiences.

Relationships are a crucial part of our lives. Whether they are romantic, platonic, or familial, they shape us in ways we may not even realize. While we all hope for relationships to work out, sometimes they don't, and we are left with the heartbreak and disappointment of a failed relationship. Even though it may not feel like it at the time, failed relationships can teach us valuable lessons that can help us grow and improve in the future.

Here are a few things that your failed relationships might have taught you:

1. What you want and need in a relationship

One of the most significant lessons that failed relationships can teach us is what we want and need in a relationship. Often, it is not until we experience a relationship that does not meet our needs that we realize what we truly want. Perhaps you learned that you need someone who is more communicative or someone who shares your interests and passions. Knowing what you want and need in a relationship can help you make better decisions about future relationships.

2. The importance of communication

Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but it is often easier said than done. Failed relationships can teach us how important it is to communicate openly and honestly with our partners. Maybe you learned that you were not expressing your needs clearly, or maybe you realized that you were not listening to your partner's needs. Whatever the case, failed relationships can teach us to be better communicators and to work on building stronger relationships with better communication skills.

3. The importance of self-care

Failed relationships can also teach us the importance of self-care. When we invest too much of ourselves in a relationship, it can be easy to neglect our own needs. Perhaps you learned that you were not taking care of yourself physically or emotionally while you were in a relationship. This can be a valuable lesson that helps you prioritize self-care in the future.

4. It's okay to walk away

Sometimes relationships are just not meant to be, no matter how hard we try to make them work. Failed relationships can teach us that it is okay to walk away from a relationship that is not meeting our needs or is not healthy for us. While it may be hard to do, it is often the best decision in the long run.

5. You can survive heartbreak

Finally, failed relationships can teach us that we can survive heartbreak. It can be hard to see it at the moment, but time heals all wounds. Whether you initiated the breakup or it was out of your control, you will eventually move on and find happiness again. Failed relationships can be a reminder that we are strong and resilient, and that we can overcome any challenge that comes our way.

Failed relationships can be painful, but they can also be incredibly valuable learning experiences. They can teach us what we want and need in a relationship, the importance of communication and self-care, that it's okay to walk away, and that we can survive heartbreak. By taking these lessons to heart, we can become better partners and build stronger, healthier relationships in the future.

How to avoid getting sucked into a relationship with a narcissist

Sending love to anyone going through this, we care about you.

In our previous article, we talked about signs that show your partner may be a narcissist and explained the red flags to look out for. If you haven’t checked that out yet, you can do so here.

In this blog post, we will be diving right into how you can avoid getting yourself involved emotionally with a narcissist and what to do if you already in that type of relationship. To start off, let us use some real life stories to show you why staying out of a relationship with a narcissist is so critical.

We'll call them Proofs.

Proof #1: I was trapped in a cycle of abuse that decimated my soul and turned me into a shadow of myself. I knew there was something intrinsically off about him but could never put a finger on what it was. I always just thought he was a run of the mill jerk until the devalue stage when he became absolutely unbearably cruel to me and then just walked out of our life. Through my research it seems that this is a typical way that most people find out their partner is a narcissist. It seems to me, most people don’t realize they are abused until it stops and don’t realize that they were narcissistically abused until they find out they were in such a relationship.

Proof #2: About a year into the relationship. Out of which 6 were a complete hell. Repeated cycles of love bombing, devalue, ghosting, triangulation and discard. I thought he was just a f*ckboy who couldn't make up his mind. I kept making all kinds of excuses to justify his behavior in my head while labelling it just immaturity.

Story source: Quora

The proofs above are true life experiences from people who dated individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder, a mental condition where the victims exhibit certain manipulative traits towards those they are in a relationship with. They usually operate in the 3-phase process of idealizing, devaluing and discarding. This can be very draining, emotionally exhausting and traumatizing hence, why falling into a relationship with a narcissist isn't such a good idea.

"It’s good to learn from your mistakes. It’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes."

-Warren Buffett

The main issue, however, is that the signs often go unnoticed. This means that months into the relationship, you realize that your partner may truly be a narcissist and then, you feel stuck and too sucked in to leave.

To avoid this, we have curated a short but effective list of signs to look out for to ensure you do not get entangled in these types of "situationships".

1. Watch how they treat others at the early stage

2. They make it all about themselves and so little about you.

3. You can feel a lack of empathy from them.

4. Everything feels rushed. In healthy relationships, you are allowed to take things at your own pace. Don't be taken in by the fantasy and beware of the "love bombing" at the early stage.

5. They are always either the hero or the outright victims in all their stories. They showcase little to no ability to self-reflect.

It is important to note that not everyone who exhibits these signs are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. Only a licensed psychologist can accurately evaluate the presence of a mental condition. These signs can be useful in helping you understand what you may be experiencing but they are not a substitution for a proper medical diagnosis.

Now that you know some of the signs to look out for, what can you do if you suspect or have overwhelming evidence that you might be dating a narcissist?

LEAVE!

I know that sounds harsh but the effects of being entangled with an emotionally abusive and manipulative person can be catastrophic for the recipient. We understand that this option isn't available to everyone and in that case, we encourage you to reach out to your network for support or contact a licensed counselor for professional advice on how to navigate the situation. It's important that you protect yourself and give yourself the chance at a healthy relationship with an emotionally available partner. You deserve healthy love!

So there you have it! These are some ways to identify and hopefully stay out of getting entangled in a narcissistic relationship. If you have a personal experience with a narcissistic partner you would love to share or maybe you know someone who might be going through this right now, we would love to hear from you in the comments section.

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Signs your partner is Narcissistic and what to do about it.

Narcissism is a mental condition known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) whose symptoms can vary from person to person. However, there is a common similarity in everyone with NPD as they believe they are superior to, or better than everyone else. They demonstrate this in how they put others down and what they say about themselves.

Generally, Low empathy, a weak sense of self-worth, a desire for praise, and being so self centred are the major telltale signs when it comes to narcissistic people.

They operate in the 3-phase process of Idealising, devaluing and discarding. You definitely want to read till the end to get the entire picture of what we are trying to show you here.

They also try to manipulate you to believe you are the cause of problems that arise in the relationship, or that when they hurt you it is for your own good. However this is definitely unideal as it takes two to tango. There may be times when one person or the other causes an issue in the relationship but both parties always have a role to play in solving problems- together.

In this article, we show you the most common symptoms that can undoubtedly reveal if your partner is a narcissist and the good news is they all act in a similar way, so be sure to find out if the suspicion is true.

Getting yourself involved with a narcissist is like setting yourself up for constant emotional abuse but this will begin later on in the relationship after an early stage of love bombing.

Typically, Narcissist make statements like:

“This is why nobody else likes you”

“I am the only one who can love you the way you are”

“I am acting this way because i’m scared of losing you, please don’t leave me, you’re the only one I have”

"If you leave and see your friends, I'll be pissed"

"You can't do that/wear that/go out, because I said so.

“It is your fault things are this way” (It is always your fault)

“It’s all in your head”

“I did that because of what you did, you may have deserved it”

The list could go on and on but you get the picture now.

Some common symptoms that show that you may be involved with a narcissist is:

1. Arrogance

2. Lack of empathy

3. An excessive need to be admired

4. Love Bombing

5. They have a sense on entitlement

6. They intimidate and demean or bully people

7. They are exploitive and manipulative

Narcissists think they are superior to others and want admiration for this, even though they have done nothing to merit it. They frequently exaggerate or flat-out lie about their accomplishments and abilities. And all you'll hear from them when they discuss their jobs or personal interactions is how terrific they are, how much they contribute, and how fortunate the people in their lives are to have them. Everyone else is at best a supporting actor because they are the undeniable star.

Do you think you may be dealing with a narcissist?

Or do you feel you may be exhibiting some of the symptoms mentioned?

At Trying therapy, we have certified therapists who are here to help you through the process of healing and having better relationships with people you care about.

Book your first free session today!